Massaged Kale Salad

Buenas dias, mis amigos! I am sorry for the lack of posts for the past week. I was on a top-secret mission to beautiful San Juan, PR for a little getaway with my hubs. Clearly lounging on a beach chair under an umbrella is exactly what I needed. I was running in 10 different directions before we left and couldn’t manage to post up a few recipes for you!

I learned something important while on vacation.

I am inexplicably obsessed by any food served in a miniature goblet.

This was my breakfast every single day – mueslix with apples and nuts, and blueberry yogurt. And, when I tell you I hardly ever eat yogurt, and never, ever for breakfast, I am not exaggerating.

Apparently everything tastes better off a mini-spoon as you gaze out at the turquoise ocean 🙂

As I am still in slow-mo from our awesome vacation, I thought this would be a great time to share with you a guest post and recipe for massaged kale salad by my friend, Rob. He loves to cook and share winning recipes, so really who better to guest post on JWJ?

Who is Rob, you ask?

We met 20+ years ago on the volleyball court, and through the miracles of social media, reconnected again a couple of years ago. Safe to say I’ve never met anyone like him. Though he grew up outside of New England, he is now a Mainiac. While he has funny-but-mean things to say about certain characteristics of our Northern residents, we forgive him this ascerbic wit because he has a serious soft spot for all things dog, cat, and baby. He even has a polo shirt with a Labrador embroidered on it and the words, “Zoe’s dad.” Like I said, a softy 🙂

Fair warning, as you proceed to the guest post below:

You know how, when you read my posts, it feels like I’m there talking right to you?  [that’s what people tell me, anyway]. Well, get ready, folks, ’cause Rob is very much the same way, maybe even more so. You’re going to be like, “Dude, whoa, back up. I don’t even know you.” Don’t be scared. He’s harmless and way funny.

I give you…Rob.

Though I have no nutrition-related educational background I am at least keeping alive the tradition that no contributor of this blog be over 5′ 7″ or incapable of participating in at least 2 sports as a southpaw.  My food background is such that I’ve been cooking for others since I was 10 years old and that I realize that if a food item has more ingredients than the IRS Tax Code has pages, it’s probably not good for you.  Seriously though, when was the last time a software engineer steered you wrong about food?

The recipe to follow for massaged kale salad is not only exceptionally tasty, incredibly healthy and easy to make, it is also a minor wonder of science (chemistry one might guess).

To start with you might need to open your mind a little.  If you tend to be the kind of person who says “been there, done that and I’m not going to try again” to a particular food, I will pause, cross my arms and tap my foot on the floor while wearing a very judgmental look on my face.  If, however, you’ve chosen to continue reading, let us begin.

I’ll risk once again the reader diving for the close button to return to a farming simulation social network game, as I tell you that the main ingredient is kale.  Yes, kale, the horrid stuff that restaurants of all persuasions inexplicably use as garnish.

(Webster’s defines “garnish” as “A word used by someone who spelled ‘garbage’ incorrectly.”). 

Before you run for the hills, trust me.  Yes, I’m asking you to trust a complete stranger who may actually own stock in the fledgling kale industry and is posting this entry as a self-serving way to line his pockets.  While you’re sifting through the voluminous conspiracy theories, please check out kale’s nutritional value.

Back to the actual recipe, I suggest that before you start the making the recipe that you tear of a small piece of a kale leaf and taste it.  Trust me, it’s awful.  It’s cod liver oil if someone were to remove any redeeming taste value.  It’s bitter; it’s nasty.  It’s kale. 

This, however, is where the Bill Nye the Science Guy moment comes in.    The citric acid in the lemon juice breaks down the leaves’ toughness and even gives the kale the appearance of being lightly cooked.  Furthermore, the “massaging”, or rubbing the leaves together further breaks down the toughness and the bitterness, all without affecting the crunchy texture.  You’ll be wishing you could use the same technique on that bitter uncle you have.

A Healthy Beginning to a Great Salad

Prepping the Kale

All Ingredients Ready to Go!

Trevor Massaging the Kale

Voila! Get Your Greens On!

Massaged Kale Salad
Serves: 4 (or more)

Prep Time: 10 minutes     Cooking Time: 0 minutes, Zippo, None

1 bunch kale (cut or tear the leaves off the stem all the way to the top, see photo)
2 tablespoons olive oil
2 tablespoons lemon juice
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 red pepper, chopped
1/4 large red onion, chopped or minced depending on preference
1/2 cup toasted pumpkin seeds (optional, personally I opted out even though I like pumpkin seeds)

In a large mixing bowl, combine kale, olive oil, lemon juice and salt.

Using your hands, “massage” the kale until the volume reduces (see photo #4 where my son Trevor exhibits proper technique) and it takes on a greener, wilted look.  It should take no more than a few minutes. Try a piece to make sure it is a good texture for eating (and compare it to the horrid taste before you started this process).

When a good texture has been achieved, toss gently with the other ingredients.